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Today is a very special day for me, as exactly one year ago today I received a most unwanted gift. This gift is one I would not wish upon anyone, and yet, its lessons have moved my heart deeper than any other experience I’ve ever had.
Here is the English version of the letter I spoke about on my video. I wrote this to my dad two days after he passed away and I read it on his partying ceremony. These have been by far the most difficult set of sentences I’ve ever had to write and read out loud. My hope is that it touches your heart in a way that reminds you to always see your own gifts, even in the most unwelcome circumstances of your life.
Dad,
This moment is incomprehensible and I don’t pretend to fully understand it now, but I have faith that much like the silent stillness that restores the peace after the fury of the storm, in time, and with your endless guide, I will understand this better.
I don’t even know how to start thanking you for a life so overflowing with happiness, devotion, personal example, courage, kindness, so full of that irrational love that adores with everything until it hurts, and of the purest and most unconditional friendship I’ve ever had. So boundless are the moments that you and I have lived, that even if I were to stretch my soul to it’s outermost limits, I wouldn’t have a wide enough space to hold them inside. Therefore, I free them now to the wind, with the deepest hope that they reach you soon, keep you company, embrace you, and fill you always with our love.
I am conscious that no words can do justice to our life, and much less to our friendship. When I say you’ve been everything to me I want you to know that you were my father, my teacher, my best friend, my protector, my brother and on occasion – even my son. I remember your strong and tireless hands with lucid clarity and know that even before my brothers and I came into this world, they did not stop working in order to give us the best possible life. I can see your warm and tender eyes that were able to envision a better way of life, without any bosses and on your own terms. I have a deep admiration of your strength and don’t know of anyone who has waked your footsteps and suffered your illness, who was able to do all that you did.
I will take away with me your selfless desire to always worry about others before thinking about your own needs, that unique way to surrender it all without asking for anything in return. I confess that if I ever become for my children, a small part of what you are for me, I will feel complete and will know that my life had a purpose. Thank you for having the guts, to even in your final moments, teach us the most difficult lesson in life, to die in love. Dad, being your son has been the greatest privilege I’ve ever had. I still feel your warm hand holding mine and can hear your tired breath. And although it deeply hurts my soul to do so, I have to set you on your journey.
Dearest soul mate, although I can’t accompany you now, I know that you will patiently await for that day when we will meet again. In the meantime, I promise to search for you untiringly and with all my strength until I find you, until I feel you. I want you to know that I will take you with me always and will continue to search for the light of your teachings and your advice and promise to share you with others. What a way to live, what a good life. Wherever you are, know that I love you and that I will always be your son “Bernito”.
(The empty space after you left)